Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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