So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
