It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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