thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
