my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
