Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
