u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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