This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
