I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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