i already hear my dad disowning me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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