Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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