At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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