Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Green mimosas i think yes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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