It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
