I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
