hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
