420 ftw
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
