if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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