If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
