apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
