Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
