Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
