Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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