Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
