Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
