Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
