I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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