ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
