And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
