I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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