You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
