If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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