I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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