You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
