i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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