38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
