11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
