well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
