i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
