i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
