What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
