The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
