i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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