Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
