I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
