Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
