We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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