My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
