2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
