Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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