i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
