there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
